​In business, you have to separate personal friendship from value-based commercial relationship. You can't be friends with your boss, with your co-worker, and your supervisor, your donors, clients, and collaborators. You can't be hanging out with these folks outside office hours without compromising your professional relationship with them. And if you have subordinates, you can be very nice but professional.
 
In North America, I noticed that people casually call their servers their friends. A neighbor told me that she has a friend who works at The Keg who happens to be Southeast Asian. Seriously, when I met her, she was juggling plates with a great personality but no, she's not a friend at all.  

On the contrary, in the Philippines, when we call someone a "friend," that person passes the test of friendship and committing to it seriously by its actions. As a collective, close-knit society, we know everyone in our communities that way, we tend to be very guarded about it. Outsiders are not accepted easily unless he/she is vouched for by another community member and took the effort to build friendship. It takes a while for Filipinos to be truly friends with another person. And that's how we are culturally wired. Maybe it's about our colonial trauma that came from 333 years of foreign domination. Who knows?

Business friends are different from personal ones. They are great for networking, referrals and recommendations, and expanding your professional circle to serve a commercial or professional purpose. None of us will ever be successful without being part of a community where we cultivate collegial relations for mutual benefit. Beyond this collegiality, it's important to set your boundaries.

I considered my former classmate in my Master's program a dear friend. We talked and spent time together a lot and we also taught at the same university at one point. When she moved to the US, we continued to keep in touch. An online conversation sparked a serious argument and before I knew it, she was out and will not talk to me again. Fast forward in these times, I got an email from her requesting if I can provide a recommendation letter. I can sure do but I don't want to spend time reconnecting because that ship has sailed. I wish her well, but no, thanks.

Some business friends should remain as such and shouldn't have moved to personal friendship. And some do, and I am grateful for each of those that transcended a transaction or loose connection. They're gems and some are just shiny objects.

Believe them if they show you who they truly are. 

Business networking needs a reboot. 

There's a strategic value of meeting people for the first time and building new relationship than hanging out with people who knew you already and have formed their opinions about you. It's great if that connection is as serious as you in mutually beneficial conversations but some are time-wasters.

It's like my family members who always visit us with treats and then start off with the same political rants all over again. If I record the conversation, it's that same old topics rehashed hundreds of times with fervor. 

I don't mind spending time visiting but the automatic chatter with a known contact gives me the headache. In that case, flight is my first response. 

As I grow my business, I seldom go to a networking event for the chit-chat hoping to find the right buyer or connection in the group. I do my research, I connect before the event to establish some baseline information, and I usually get down to business as soon as I arrive. 

My ideal position in a networking situation is a public role where people can see what I do first-hand and gravitate towards my brand. I was one of the jury at a business competition in a university last year. Prior to that, a mentor at a prestigious social entrepreneurship program where I get to advise venture founders one-on-one and in a group. That to me made sense as a expertise-deployment opportunity. I would rather host a gathering, or sponsor an event to get me in a more prominent role than just participating with the rest, although that can be fine too in some instances. It depends on your goals and preferences. 

Regardless of the outcome, I would ensure to enjoy myself. I would also recommend the same for everyone. 

If you're asked by someone to have coffee and talk about all their pains and miseries.

Say No, you already have a lot of that to think about someone else's.

If they want to visit but talk about the politics of our time including the Prime Minister and his party endlessly. 

Say No, you won't get any resolution just by talking about 'till the cows come home.

There's no peace of mind in this, not with this kind of conversation where everything sucks and you feel like you want to move elsewhere where the grass is greener and withdraw all your money in the bank and say good bye to humanity.

I'd rather  stay put, put my feet up writing, reading my favorite book and keeping my sanity intact.

This is the best self-care: being alone and enjoying the peace.

You're best friend is yourself and no other person can possibly understand what you need is not found in them. 

Blessings to those who stood up to say NO.